Blogger has punished me because I wasn't updating frequently enough! But now it's back on line!
Actually, apparently it was a problem with internet explorer 9. If you've downloaded it, you won't be able to publish blogger posts without tinkering with some things. If you hit the tool button in the top right of the screen (the gear), click F12 developer tools, then make Browser Mode "IE9 compatability mode" and voila. I'm not really that high tech to have figured it out myself, I learned it from google.
Thanks google, you are my friend.
Well, let's see now... what have I been up to? Well, still running 3 hours a week, 1 hr MWF, which means today is my running day... I do hope it stops raining before noon-ish, but otherwise I will have to just go in my stupid rain jacket which bounces around all uncomfortably and makes an irritating noise when it swishes against itself while I run.
I've written another few hundred words to my thesis. It's at 6600 words now, and I've got the intro and methods rough drafts complete. I've also been working on my powerpoint for EPS in July, and I've got a basic skeleton for that... will work on it later today though cos I've been neglecting it. I have a meeting with my adviser on Thursday, so I want something good to show him by then. Tomorrow I have my last participant for exp.2 coming in, so we can finally analyze the finished data. I still need a couple of people for exp.1 though, so hopefully I can pick up a few sometime soon...
As for learning MATLAB, it's going slow... they're trying to get psychtoolbox installed on a PC in an accessible cubicle for me, so I don't have to go around asking people to unlock lab doors like an untrustworthy 3 year old. I seriously don't have any privelages as a masters student. No departmental funds for conferences, no keys, no MATLAB. I'm surprised my badge scans to get me through the MSB security gate (it didn't at first). What a crappy set up. I'm paying so much for this damn degree and I'm considered the "one-year temporary student" that no one bothers with and will forget quickly.
OK, rant over. Something else I've been doing is researching high-frequency questions students are asked during PhD interviews, because I have one on Friday! The Sapienza interview is going to be at 1:30 on Skype, and hopefully I will be able to get a quiet room in the library to do it. I can't imagine my bedroom would be very professionally pleasing to potential advisers. Anyway, I've jotted down some answers to the hardest questions they might ask, and I will probably do what I've done before-- tape my prepared answers to the edges of my computer! I can read right off them if I get nervous enough, and it still looks like I'm gazing into the camera.
Actually, I shouldn't get too nervous this time because I have beta blockers to help me! I'm getting a little anxious right now thinking about my upcoming interview, but hopefully propranolol should do the trick in keeping me collected.
In other news, I've just been enjoying a leisurely weekend... watching Muppet Christmas Carol (which makes me yearn for Christmas-time), reading "Disney's America" (the only recreational reading I have right now, borrowed from Jana who's doing her thesis on Disney art), and generally getting reading for a busy day tomorrow. I have a meeting with a lecturer at 10AM concerning another PhD application (I have to write a proposal for that one too), and I'm running my last subject at 11:30. Then, I suppose, I will try to be a good little student and finally play with the MATLAB problems my adviser sent me for practice.
Then Wednesday will be spent writing more thesis and especially fleshing out my powerpoint, in prep. for my meeting w adviser on Thurs. Then, before and after my meeting on Thurs, I will practice interviewing strategies for Friday's big Skype call... On Friday morning before the interview, I will be in lab getting the eyetracker working with MATLAB.
Oy, I hope it all works out!
Beta blockers, do me good!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did TOOOO! (2 day old post-- I finally figured out how to publish again!)
I've realized I will sometimes take a side I don't agree on just for the sake of argument. For example, I often take the side of the Christians in a religious debate, even though I'm an atheist. I feel like I should stand up for them since I know a thing or two about evangelism and creationism, and it really isn't a bad system. I just don't believe it. I feel like... if I don't stand up for them in this country of lost faith, who will?
But I also like to argue for less heroic reasons. Sometimes it seems that argument is the only way you'll hear what a person truly thinks about a subject, and I get kind of a rush throwing "what ifs" at them and see how they retaliate. See how much they know their stuff. And there's something about a debate that adds passion to a dull conversation.
I don't consider myself to be especially argumentative, I mean, not generally. Generally I try to be agreeable. But when a particularly interesting topic comes up, I like to fire away with the hard questions... really probe for information.
But I also like to argue for less heroic reasons. Sometimes it seems that argument is the only way you'll hear what a person truly thinks about a subject, and I get kind of a rush throwing "what ifs" at them and see how they retaliate. See how much they know their stuff. And there's something about a debate that adds passion to a dull conversation.
I don't consider myself to be especially argumentative, I mean, not generally. Generally I try to be agreeable. But when a particularly interesting topic comes up, I like to fire away with the hard questions... really probe for information.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Welp (3 day old post-- I finally figured out how to publish again!)
Welp, can't do it... I decided I'd eat a chicken sandwich for lunch today, got to the restaurant, and thought the veggie one looked more appetizing. Went to the grocery store intending to buy meat products, and bought ingredients to make bean burritos for a week of dinners.
Oh well! Guess it's just not my time!
Oh well! Guess it's just not my time!
Hunger!
What I feel, and also the name of the second book in a YA series I'm going to buy sometime. Why did I agree to meet my adviser's PhD student at 12 noon? I had no choice but to eat an early lunch and now I'm hungry again... nowhere near dinner time...
I'm supposed to be working on MATLAB now but I don't feel like it... my brain's not on it today. I dragged myself through one chapter (chapter 7-- halfway through!) but the solutions to the problems in the back cut off at the second question and there were 5, and what's the use in doing them if you don't know whether you're right or not... And from my limited skills, it's more likely that I'm not going to be right, although I did a pretty good job of solving question one by myself... sometimes there's a lot of code they ask you to type out, and I'm so lazy I don't want to go through all that for one question.
I met the PhD student so I could solve the MATLAB problems my adviser gave to me, but the code calls functions from something called 'psychtoolbox' which uses shortcut code to bring up a video screen or whatnot, and the school computers don't have psychtoolbox downloaded on them.
Woooow I'm even boring myself with this post...
So my accomplishments so far today? Sent the intro to my thesis to my adviser for editing, got my adviser's PhD student to agree to participate in my study and one more person lined up to participate on Monday, got a technician lined up to download psychtoolbox on a school computer, filled a prescription, got through one more chapter of MATLAB for Behavioral Scientists... I'm so booooring.
OK but you know what isn't boring? Two things that happened this week: 1) Much Ado About Nothing at the Globe theatre in London, and 2) International Book Club.
1--> On tuesday, Jana, Hannah and I took a coach with Museum Studies to see us some Shakespeare at the famous Globe. We got the cheap student tickets (£5!) which allowed us to stand right next to the stage. Granted, after 3 hours of standing there I was getting pretty achy, but it was worth it since I was so close to the action I got shoved by the actors coming up and down the stairs a few times.
It was a really nice day... the Globe is right next to the Millennium Bridge that leads across the water to St Paul's. It's a really nice area with lots of restaurants around, and we went to this Greek place that served meze mostly. We each had souvlaki, which is a really yummy grilled flatbread wrap. Mine was made with halloumi, which tastes good enough but the texture (it squeaks against your teeth when you chew) is not something I care for. Jana and Hannah had chicken, and I was jealous.
I've been thinking about going back to meat. I know I've said this a few times before with no real conviction, but really... I have no reason to be a vegetarian, and I have no idea why I decided to just stop eating meat in the first place. Supposedly because I heard it was 'good for you' but a nutrition documentary I watched a few months ago said otherwise. But I don't cook... and it's just so much easier to stick grapes in my mouth than grill a chicken.
2---> Yesterday, Stephen, Laura and I had our first ever international book club meeting! We talked about The Knife of Never Letting Go and other YA novels, and then basically just chatted about life, all of us wishing, I'm sure, that we could be sitting around a table at Yours Truly eating sweet potato fries and tango sauce. I miss my book club.
Er... yeah... who am I kidding? I'm not doing any more work today... I'm gonna get out of this computer lab and wander around town, perhaps bug Jana.
Later!
I'm supposed to be working on MATLAB now but I don't feel like it... my brain's not on it today. I dragged myself through one chapter (chapter 7-- halfway through!) but the solutions to the problems in the back cut off at the second question and there were 5, and what's the use in doing them if you don't know whether you're right or not... And from my limited skills, it's more likely that I'm not going to be right, although I did a pretty good job of solving question one by myself... sometimes there's a lot of code they ask you to type out, and I'm so lazy I don't want to go through all that for one question.
I met the PhD student so I could solve the MATLAB problems my adviser gave to me, but the code calls functions from something called 'psychtoolbox' which uses shortcut code to bring up a video screen or whatnot, and the school computers don't have psychtoolbox downloaded on them.
Woooow I'm even boring myself with this post...
So my accomplishments so far today? Sent the intro to my thesis to my adviser for editing, got my adviser's PhD student to agree to participate in my study and one more person lined up to participate on Monday, got a technician lined up to download psychtoolbox on a school computer, filled a prescription, got through one more chapter of MATLAB for Behavioral Scientists... I'm so booooring.
OK but you know what isn't boring? Two things that happened this week: 1) Much Ado About Nothing at the Globe theatre in London, and 2) International Book Club.
1--> On tuesday, Jana, Hannah and I took a coach with Museum Studies to see us some Shakespeare at the famous Globe. We got the cheap student tickets (£5!) which allowed us to stand right next to the stage. Granted, after 3 hours of standing there I was getting pretty achy, but it was worth it since I was so close to the action I got shoved by the actors coming up and down the stairs a few times.
It was a really nice day... the Globe is right next to the Millennium Bridge that leads across the water to St Paul's. It's a really nice area with lots of restaurants around, and we went to this Greek place that served meze mostly. We each had souvlaki, which is a really yummy grilled flatbread wrap. Mine was made with halloumi, which tastes good enough but the texture (it squeaks against your teeth when you chew) is not something I care for. Jana and Hannah had chicken, and I was jealous.
I've been thinking about going back to meat. I know I've said this a few times before with no real conviction, but really... I have no reason to be a vegetarian, and I have no idea why I decided to just stop eating meat in the first place. Supposedly because I heard it was 'good for you' but a nutrition documentary I watched a few months ago said otherwise. But I don't cook... and it's just so much easier to stick grapes in my mouth than grill a chicken.
2---> Yesterday, Stephen, Laura and I had our first ever international book club meeting! We talked about The Knife of Never Letting Go and other YA novels, and then basically just chatted about life, all of us wishing, I'm sure, that we could be sitting around a table at Yours Truly eating sweet potato fries and tango sauce. I miss my book club.
Er... yeah... who am I kidding? I'm not doing any more work today... I'm gonna get out of this computer lab and wander around town, perhaps bug Jana.
Later!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday!
Okay, so I know I haven't updated in years... I haven't been THAT busy but things just happen to take up my time and the days are just flying by...
So I think you all already heard my plans to finish my degree early. Well, whether or not I come back to Ohio early (or at all) is still up for debate depending on a few things: 1) whether I get all my work done early, 2) whether I learn MATLAB fast enough, and 3) whether I get into that PhD program.
I'm finished with my application for the PhD program but waiting on a final opinion from the autism specialists who reviewed my project proposal before I send it in. I am really banking on getting this position, I just know it will be amazing. I'm getting to think point where I really do have to stop and think "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" and right now I don't have any good reason, just "Scientific curiosity." I feel like if I had a goal, such as "rehabilitation" or "education" I would be more inspired to do my work.
Yes, speaking of inspiration, I finally sat down and starting compiling information on Feature Integration Theory and Guided Search theory of visual search. I was a little burnt out about my thesis topic since I've been working on this 'visual search' thing going on 9 months now and it kind of turned into something I wasn't expecting, ie, very psychophysics-heavy and not really related to neuropsychology anymore.
BUT I found renewed energy to get writing when I realized the head of the PhD program I'm applying for did a very similar study about 10 years ago. So not only might we have something more to talk about during the interview (if he's still interested in this stuff), but it also seems to me to be a sign that I'm on the right track! Do I believe in signs? Not when it comes down to it, no. But the thought eases my mind. And now I know my project is relevant to the program in some way.
OK, so now I have all the info I need to write a basic background of FIT and guided search. My goal is to write at least 500 words on those theories and their evolution to today. Then I will go on to discuss dual-task paradigms of visual search, which include attentional blink paradigms, and finally, hemispheric asymmetries of attention. That will be the literature review for my thesis, and I will segue into my study after that.
The thesis will have to be 6-8000 words, and I have two months to complete it. That should roughly equate to 1000 words a week at least, to be on the safe side, then revisions and such. I can do it! I CAN!
Since my last post, I did all that other stuff I gotta do. I turned in my coursework for the final term, and completed that stats exam (which was completely ridiculous btw). Yes, there is another thing that I like more about the USA-- the proper course structure! The program I'm doing now is considered a "taught" course, though it's mostly research. But the classes we DID have were a complete joke. Stats classes were taught by a random group of lecturers, whoever happened to be there that day it seemed. They taught whatever random subject they knew, or really basic stuff. Actually, one professor tried to teach us something he didn't know, and ended up blundering through book definitions. The HOC tried to re-lecture on the same material, but he didn't know it either. So guess what shows up on the exam?
I swear to god, I hope these guys are the ones who mark it, so they won't know what the hell is right or wrong because I sure didn't at some points. But generally, with the limited information I was given and the large amount of information I was able to teach myself in the three hour exam period, I think I did relatively well.
Now I just have to concentate on getting the last few participants for my study and writing my thesis. I sent a message out to the hiking club begging for participants, and got one so far! So it's a good start. And tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor to see if I can get some beta blockers for my Sapienza interview in June and the EPS presentation in July. I'm gonna rock it.
AND I'm starting to learn MATLAB. I actually was able to create some working contingencies from the book problems! I am going to work on that more tomorrow between my doctor appt in the morning and my hiking club participant in the afternoon. Then, I will write some more of my thesis intro.
I'm a procrastinator, but I've got everything under control. I'm organized. I'm an organized lazy bum.
I realized though...
As much as I care about making my thesis amazing and getting into this PhD program in Rome, I don't have to stress about it. Whatever happens will happen. I will just try my hardest and see what that gets me. I realize that good things will happen one way or another. If I don't get this PhD program, I'll try to find a job teaching at a community college. I have other options.
I've realized... I don't really have to worry about anything... I used to worry about having to pay back my student loans, but not anymore. There are options that will make it possible. If I work in public service, I'll have them forgiven after 15 years of Income Based Repayment. I don't even need a lot of money. I can live off so little and still buy everything I need or want. I'm not worried about money...
Life is good! Even an academic can keep it simple!
So I think you all already heard my plans to finish my degree early. Well, whether or not I come back to Ohio early (or at all) is still up for debate depending on a few things: 1) whether I get all my work done early, 2) whether I learn MATLAB fast enough, and 3) whether I get into that PhD program.
I'm finished with my application for the PhD program but waiting on a final opinion from the autism specialists who reviewed my project proposal before I send it in. I am really banking on getting this position, I just know it will be amazing. I'm getting to think point where I really do have to stop and think "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" and right now I don't have any good reason, just "Scientific curiosity." I feel like if I had a goal, such as "rehabilitation" or "education" I would be more inspired to do my work.
Yes, speaking of inspiration, I finally sat down and starting compiling information on Feature Integration Theory and Guided Search theory of visual search. I was a little burnt out about my thesis topic since I've been working on this 'visual search' thing going on 9 months now and it kind of turned into something I wasn't expecting, ie, very psychophysics-heavy and not really related to neuropsychology anymore.
BUT I found renewed energy to get writing when I realized the head of the PhD program I'm applying for did a very similar study about 10 years ago. So not only might we have something more to talk about during the interview (if he's still interested in this stuff), but it also seems to me to be a sign that I'm on the right track! Do I believe in signs? Not when it comes down to it, no. But the thought eases my mind. And now I know my project is relevant to the program in some way.
OK, so now I have all the info I need to write a basic background of FIT and guided search. My goal is to write at least 500 words on those theories and their evolution to today. Then I will go on to discuss dual-task paradigms of visual search, which include attentional blink paradigms, and finally, hemispheric asymmetries of attention. That will be the literature review for my thesis, and I will segue into my study after that.
The thesis will have to be 6-8000 words, and I have two months to complete it. That should roughly equate to 1000 words a week at least, to be on the safe side, then revisions and such. I can do it! I CAN!
Since my last post, I did all that other stuff I gotta do. I turned in my coursework for the final term, and completed that stats exam (which was completely ridiculous btw). Yes, there is another thing that I like more about the USA-- the proper course structure! The program I'm doing now is considered a "taught" course, though it's mostly research. But the classes we DID have were a complete joke. Stats classes were taught by a random group of lecturers, whoever happened to be there that day it seemed. They taught whatever random subject they knew, or really basic stuff. Actually, one professor tried to teach us something he didn't know, and ended up blundering through book definitions. The HOC tried to re-lecture on the same material, but he didn't know it either. So guess what shows up on the exam?
I swear to god, I hope these guys are the ones who mark it, so they won't know what the hell is right or wrong because I sure didn't at some points. But generally, with the limited information I was given and the large amount of information I was able to teach myself in the three hour exam period, I think I did relatively well.
Now I just have to concentate on getting the last few participants for my study and writing my thesis. I sent a message out to the hiking club begging for participants, and got one so far! So it's a good start. And tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor to see if I can get some beta blockers for my Sapienza interview in June and the EPS presentation in July. I'm gonna rock it.
AND I'm starting to learn MATLAB. I actually was able to create some working contingencies from the book problems! I am going to work on that more tomorrow between my doctor appt in the morning and my hiking club participant in the afternoon. Then, I will write some more of my thesis intro.
I'm a procrastinator, but I've got everything under control. I'm organized. I'm an organized lazy bum.
I realized though...
As much as I care about making my thesis amazing and getting into this PhD program in Rome, I don't have to stress about it. Whatever happens will happen. I will just try my hardest and see what that gets me. I realize that good things will happen one way or another. If I don't get this PhD program, I'll try to find a job teaching at a community college. I have other options.
I've realized... I don't really have to worry about anything... I used to worry about having to pay back my student loans, but not anymore. There are options that will make it possible. If I work in public service, I'll have them forgiven after 15 years of Income Based Repayment. I don't even need a lot of money. I can live off so little and still buy everything I need or want. I'm not worried about money...
Life is good! Even an academic can keep it simple!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Short Post
Hello everyone,
I know it's been a while, but I've been busy-- still busy, in fact-- just updating to say that Jana and I have switched our phones because hers was not working on her computer. So if anyone wants to call me, My phone number is 330-548-2571. So there is just a 1 at the end instead of a 3.
All righty-- I'll post a real entry sometime later!
I know it's been a while, but I've been busy-- still busy, in fact-- just updating to say that Jana and I have switched our phones because hers was not working on her computer. So if anyone wants to call me, My phone number is 330-548-2571. So there is just a 1 at the end instead of a 3.
All righty-- I'll post a real entry sometime later!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
All Those Other Things I Said I'd Write About...
...and one more thing... The Knife of Never Letting Go-- I know I already said this, but let me say it again... Thanks a lot, Jana! As if I don't have enough to think about, you give me this book I can't put down. Begh! So good! Book club possibility? It's a YA novel that takes place in some distant future where people of Earth have settled on another planet, and the aliens sent out this germ to kill the humans but it only killed the women and made the men able to read each others' minds. And it's really good!
At any rate, I've put it down long enough to update this thing as promised. I'll start with the stuff the least amount of people know about and then filter into the things the satellite friends may not know but may want to know-- and I assure you, you will know, in time.
So first off-- the flight back. My dad took me to the airport, where I found out my flight had been canceled, but no biggie. They scheduled me for the next flight to Minneapolis instead of NYC and told me the plane would arrive about an hour later than expected in Heathrow. Me, ever the timely planner, had scheduled my train ticket to Leicester to be 3 hours after landing. I thought I'd give myself some "just in case" time and also time to have a nice long lunch. Well, I used up most of my "just in case time" for this flight, so I didn't have any time for lunch when I landed, unfortunately.
Nevertheless, The flight out wasn't as bad as it could have been. I hate the piddly regional jets though, so I guess if I have to go through with them, it's better to do it before than after the long 8-hour international flight. When we took off, there was a lot of turbulence, and I felt slightly queasy, and my hands started to tingle cos all the blood was rushing to my core, but I controlled my breathing and drank some club soda and didn't puke thank god.
We landed smoothly enough, and before I knew it I was on the Boeing 767 out of Minneapolis-- quite a fancy airport, by the way. I wa surprised. It had this real-sized mall right there with all the terminals branching off on all sides. Anyway, my seat mate was this annoyingly chatty girl from Bristol, who basically decided we were best friends right then and there.
"Have you ever been to Bristol?" she asked.
"No."
"Oooo! You have to go! There's this posh bar and all sorts of cool stuff, you could crash at my place and I could take you to all the best places."
"Er, yeah, that sounds nice," I said in a weak attempt to shut her up.
"I was just in Seattle visiting my uncle-- I loooved it, it was so beautiful, we went all over the Olympic Peninsula, too-- I love musicals! I love Wicked!"
"I saw Wicked on the West End," this American woman to my left piped up. She leaned over me to chat with my seat mate, and was obviously very impressed by the fact that a real British person was sitting right there chittering like a squirrel.
"I've seen Wicked," I offered. She ignored me.
"Oh, you saw it on the West End, cooool!" my seat mate enthused. She started tapping off West End shows she'd seen. "...but Wicked is my favorite! The woman who wrote it is an American, you know."
"No," I corrected her. "It was a man, Steven Schwartz, he wrote the music to some Disney movies, too..."
They stared blankly at me and I just sat back and ignored them while they went on and on about really nothing.
"I saw Les Mis when it first came out in 1985," the woman piped up. I jumped back into the conversation at that.
"Really?" I said, obviously impressed. "That's so cool. Did you see the 20th anniversary concert last year?"
"I saw it on PBS," she said.
"Yeah, it was great-- but you know, Joe Jonas as Marius..." I trailed off with an uneasy look on my face. She didn't say anything in response so I added, "...not so good."
She stared blankly at me for a second, then turned back to my seat mate and they were at it again.
I sighed and plugged in my headphones to watch Due Date which wasn't so bad, but it wasn't really good either. I tried to go to sleep after that, and I dozed in and out of sleep for a bit, but it was so cold I had to wrap myself up in my winter coat and that flimsy little Delta Airlines blanket and I was still freezing my ass off.
"Sorry for the cold," a flight attendant said after a couple of hours. "It's only in your seat area. Something's wrong with the temperature control right here."
Great, thanks. Just my luck.
I read The Stand for a little bit. The superflu had killed everyone it was going to kill and now all the main characters were about to start their respective journeys into the wildnerness of a post-apocalyptic world.
We hit the ground soon enough, with a great banging "KA-BLUMP-A-BLUMP" cos the pilot didn't know how to land, I guess. A couple people felt they had to raise their voices and someone laughed behind me. Thrill seeker. Everything went smoothly after that, though. Got through customs OK, picked up my bag (one of the first ones out), hopped the next hour-long tube train to St. Pancras, and had a couple minutes there to hit the bathroom and brush my teeth before heading to the East Midlands platform.
Got to Leicester with no problem and met Jana at the station. She was carrying a child's wheely backpack.
"It's for my library books," she explained. "But I thought you could squeeze your laptop in here." We squished it in as good as we could, but the bag wouldn't zip all the way. She clattered with it up London road.
"Ugh, it's too short," Jana said, indicating the wheely bag's handle as she stooped to hold on to it.
"Why'd you get such a small bag?" I asked.
"I didn't know it would be so short!"
"That's a little kid's bag."
"Well..."
"You know those baby strollers you see five year old's wheeling around, the pretend strollers you wouldn't actually want to put a real baby in? Well, that's the wheely bag equivalent."
"Whatever!"
Jana and I bickered amiably all the way back to my house, where we dropped my stuff off and I spent a couple of hours getting unpacked and cleaned up. I'd been up since 8AM the previous morning, and I was bent on staying up until a decent bedtime hour in England so that I could get back into the time zone.
Jana asked me to come over, so I picked up some curry on the way there and we ate dinner with some homemade French cider she'd bought down at a world market. I drank some and made a face.
"Blegh," was my verdict.
"I know," Jana said, swirling the alcohol expertly. "See how it has that cloudy color? It's still fermenting, that's why it's bitter." She had taken a wine tasting class a couple of years ago.
"Why'd you buy it?" I asked.
"Well, the sample I tasted was just fine," she said. "But the guy gave me the reject bottle-- I bet that's why it was so cheap."
We finished off the bottle and went up to Jana's room to watch some Youtube. I fell asleep almost instantly, but forced myself awake again.
"I was sleeping," I said.
"I know," she said. I fell asleep again for a couple of minutes, then shook myself awake. I glanced at my watch. "Nine-thirty," I said. "Okay, I'm going home."
"All right, see ya."
I went back home and fell asleep until 8AM the following morning. Too tired, went back to sleep. My alarm woke me at 10. Still tired. I finally woke up for reals at 12:30-ish. Yep. 14 hours of sleep.
I turned on my phone.
"Wake up sleepy!" a text buzzed as soon as it was on. Jana had sent it about 15 minutes earlier.
I texted her back. "Awake now."
"Wow, you're up late. Let's go to the city centre!"
We had decided to find the De Montfort University library, which was apparently open and staffed even though it was the day of the royal wedding (a national holiday, indeed).
We found William on our way there, lounging in Victoria Park after his run, and we picked him up for the journey. It was a really nice day, and we just walked around lazily. Jana looked at some Art of Walt Disney books at the library for her thesis, and then we traipsed back to the good university.
Blah dee blah, this is going longer than I thought, as usual... Skip ahead to today, since last night was just hanging at Jana's place again (also as usual), and here I am. I've been back in England for 2 days. Woke up at 10:20 this morning. Slowly getting back into the right time zone.
Oh yeah, and this whole time, I've been furiously e-mailing the Head of my Course (HOC, remember?), my adviser, and the people with the PhD program in Rome. So the HOC said I can actually finish my Master's thesis early because I told him the PhD program wants it finished by July 31. So now I'm freaking out (also also as usual) about getting everything finished in time!
Because I still need to run a few more subjects, write my thesis, send in my application for the PhD program (which asks for pages and pages of new material as it is, including a project proposal), get ready for BPS, write my talk for EPS, and all that on top of my coursework I still haven't sent in (I have one paper with NO reference list right now), and I have a stats exam on the 9th. OY! All this in 3 months. I have 3 months to finish everything now.
OK so I have a meeting with my adviser about all the things I have to do, on May 3.
The BPS conference is May 4-6.
The stats exam is on May 9.
My coursework is due May 12.
My application is due May 31.
I don't remember which days the EPS conference takes place (sometime in July).
And I'm to finish my 6-8000 words thesis and have it defended by July 31.
Three months. I can do it. I can! I caaaannn!!!
Now might be a good time to get into the project idea I have for the PhD program. Let me tell you, it's a good one. I e-mailed the professor in charge of the program and asked him if it was an appropriate topic and he said it was swell. Listen to this:
Emotional biological motion and Autistic Spectrum Disorders.
OK back up... let's see. So at one point in the past, a lab got some dancers and actors together and asked them to go through the motions of different emotions in front of a camera. For example, the researcher said, "Gimme anger!" and the body-conscious professionals balled their hands into fists and stomped forward with big, over-exaggerated movements. "Gimme fear!" They raised their palms and jumped backwards. Etc. There were six different emotions filmed, and at one point, the researchers put little reflective dots on these dancing/acting bodies and turned off the lights, and all you could see were the dots of light making the motions, and you could see the impression of a body there.
These are called point light displays. Now a lot of researchers use these films of point light displays for all different experiments, and I want to use them for this:
SO autistic individuals have a hard time decoding emotion from movements. They are not very conscious of their own body movements, either. They have a hard time with social things in general, and emotional motion is one of them, and that includes facial expressions as well as whole body movements.
Well, the project I came up with has to do with scanning autistic brains while they watch point light displays versus full light displays, and they will have to say what emotion is being expressed. I would also give them scenarios they will have to figure out the ending to based on these movements.
"A man witnesses a robbery," I would say. "He reacts like this:" (I'll show the video of either fear or anger here). "Do you think the man decided to help the victim, or run away?"
I will also ask Theory of Mind questions, such as:
"A man goes to work and leaves his dog home alone. The dog breaks an expensive vase while the man is gone. The man comes home from work and he looks like this:" (I'll show the video of either anger or calm here.) "Do you think the man knows his vase is broken?"
Etc. That is how the study will pan out. I will go through these scenarios, and I'm going to add into the project idea that I'd like to use fMRI to see what's going on in the ASD brain while all of this is happening. And I would like to know if people with ASD are better at inferring emotion from point light displays or full light displays, or if they are better at the emotional scenarios or theory of mind scenarios. I might add in a normal control to the mix. I might suggest that point light displays could be used to teach emotional biological motion to people with ASD.
Anyway, that's it. I don't know how that one came into my brain but that's that. Obviously this is just an idea-- the prof said it wouldn't necessarily be what I'm gonna do for my PhD cos I'd have to discuss it with whoever my tutor would be and it would have to fit into their research as well. At this point, I just don't care... as I've said before, I just want to study Cognitive Neuroscience and learn fMRI. And if I can do that, no matter what subject I'm studying, I don't care-- I'll do it. And this program pays well... REALLY well for a graduate program. I'd be lucky to get it, and I really really hope I do!
Okay, now I said I'd discuss other things... like the Creation Museum. Wow, I don't know, I'm kinda burning out my typing fingers, but let's have a go...
So my mom and I decided to take a short trip south on Easter weekend. We drove through Amish country on Friday and stayed in a hotel in Kentucky that gave us discount Creation Museum tickets for the next day. It rained all weekend, but it wasn't too bad as we were driving to the museum on Saturday morning. We got there and it's this big fancy building with dinosaur statues standing outside.
The first thing we did was go see a planetarium show. It wasn't a real planetarium, but a digital one, but the show was still impressive for its visual effects. You could see Earth, all the planets and their trajectories around the sun, and then it zoomed out in the wider universe into other star systems and galaxies. The narrator wasn't preachy, he just said things like, "Look at what God has created!" in between saying things I had learned in my college astronomy class. However, he did stress the fact that "The Big Bang could not have happened, because..." and he went off about the universe not really expanding, and young stars being next to old stars, etc. Some things that didn't really make sense, but I guess make sense to the Creationists, so there you have it.
We left the planetarium and there was this herptologist outside in khaki carrying a snake around his arm.
"Come see me show later!" he was telling the crowd. "Here, take this." He handed me the snake and it was the coolest thing ever. That was when I decided that one day, I will own a Ball Python (which is what that particular snake was), and I will hold it and feel its strong muscle wrap around my arm-- so cool! It just coils and bobs like the empty-eyed little coiling monster that it is.
The museum itself was quite impressive. It's set up like a natural history museum, and they spared no expense creating lavish fake gardens, archaeological dig sites, anamatronic dinosaurs, all sorts of great things. A big part of the museum was the role of dinosaurs in the bible.
Dinosaurs were called dragons in the early years of Earth (no older than 6000 years). They roamed the garden of Eden in the time of Adam and ate vegetation until the fall of man. All animals were vegetarian in the garden of Eden, and nothing died, and there were no thorns on plants, or diseases or mutations. My mother piped up questions throughout the whole exhibit: "But if everyone was immortal, the Earth would have been overpopulated long before now!... But if the dinosaurs were taken aboard Noah's Ark, how did they become extinct all at once?" I tried to be helpful and answer her questions the way a Creationist might. If there were any atheists there that day, I wouldn't be counted among them!
I think the reason immortal people wouldn't have overpopulated is hinted at in the long lifespans of those who came after Adam. His sons all lived close to 1000 years, and each of them only had one kid or so in their lifetimes. I think 1 kid every 1000 years could keep a population down, even if you were immortal.
As for the dinos, they never did say.
But yes, it is true-- dinosaurs were taken aboard the Ark. And here's something I never knew but probably should have-- only Noah's family was saved. So I guess we are all descendents of Noah. Not like that did any good, though-- I would hate to see the state of the world if the rotten people of ages past hadn't died, seeing as we good folks are pretty terrible as it is. Guess we're in for another flood soon?
It was also interesting that all the periods of history-- Triassic, Jurassic, Precambrian, etc-- are all referred to simply as sediment layers by the Creationists. During the flood, different kind of sediment settled at different times-- floating forests were turned into coal, etc-- and all the layers we attribute to diffeent "periods" are actually just various layers of Earth that settled at different times over the course of a one year global flood. That's the thing-- the Creationists compacted all of anthropological and geological history into a short period to fit it all into 6000 years. Pangaea became the continents in a year. The last ice age lasted only a hundred years or so. Neanderthal and Homo erectus were just nomadic humans cut off from their cultures.
All of the world's 6000 year history is catalogued in a 20ft. map-- very detailed in its descriptions and timelines, and such a cool cool thing-- my mom bought a copy for my dad, and when we got home we just sat there and read as much as we could as we spread the map through the hallway.
By the time we left the Creation Museum, it was raining pretty hard... we tried to head further south, but we were just following the storm, and when tornado warnings started blaring over the radio, we just turned around and drovce back home. I didn't mind though-- I liked spending Sunday at my parents' house-- one more day I got to spend with the whole fam before I left that Wednesday.
I spent a couple more days with my friends, we went to Chagrin Falls one last time, and I had a good ol' fashioned all-American pancake breakfast with Matt at a quaint diner by his house before heading home to finish packing.
I was sad to leave, and I would like to be able to go back as soon as possible. And hopefully, now that I will finish my thesis in July, perhaps I will be able to go back mucher sooner than I'd first thought! Of course I might stick around to try to learn MATLAB if I don't have the time before July 31, but I hope I can get some practice in before then. I guess we'll see. We'll just see!
Okay, I've been writing this thing way too long now.. but it's done! That's making up for 2 weeks of silence I guess!
At any rate, I've put it down long enough to update this thing as promised. I'll start with the stuff the least amount of people know about and then filter into the things the satellite friends may not know but may want to know-- and I assure you, you will know, in time.
So first off-- the flight back. My dad took me to the airport, where I found out my flight had been canceled, but no biggie. They scheduled me for the next flight to Minneapolis instead of NYC and told me the plane would arrive about an hour later than expected in Heathrow. Me, ever the timely planner, had scheduled my train ticket to Leicester to be 3 hours after landing. I thought I'd give myself some "just in case" time and also time to have a nice long lunch. Well, I used up most of my "just in case time" for this flight, so I didn't have any time for lunch when I landed, unfortunately.
Nevertheless, The flight out wasn't as bad as it could have been. I hate the piddly regional jets though, so I guess if I have to go through with them, it's better to do it before than after the long 8-hour international flight. When we took off, there was a lot of turbulence, and I felt slightly queasy, and my hands started to tingle cos all the blood was rushing to my core, but I controlled my breathing and drank some club soda and didn't puke thank god.
We landed smoothly enough, and before I knew it I was on the Boeing 767 out of Minneapolis-- quite a fancy airport, by the way. I wa surprised. It had this real-sized mall right there with all the terminals branching off on all sides. Anyway, my seat mate was this annoyingly chatty girl from Bristol, who basically decided we were best friends right then and there.
"Have you ever been to Bristol?" she asked.
"No."
"Oooo! You have to go! There's this posh bar and all sorts of cool stuff, you could crash at my place and I could take you to all the best places."
"Er, yeah, that sounds nice," I said in a weak attempt to shut her up.
"I was just in Seattle visiting my uncle-- I loooved it, it was so beautiful, we went all over the Olympic Peninsula, too-- I love musicals! I love Wicked!"
"I saw Wicked on the West End," this American woman to my left piped up. She leaned over me to chat with my seat mate, and was obviously very impressed by the fact that a real British person was sitting right there chittering like a squirrel.
"I've seen Wicked," I offered. She ignored me.
"Oh, you saw it on the West End, cooool!" my seat mate enthused. She started tapping off West End shows she'd seen. "...but Wicked is my favorite! The woman who wrote it is an American, you know."
"No," I corrected her. "It was a man, Steven Schwartz, he wrote the music to some Disney movies, too..."
They stared blankly at me and I just sat back and ignored them while they went on and on about really nothing.
"I saw Les Mis when it first came out in 1985," the woman piped up. I jumped back into the conversation at that.
"Really?" I said, obviously impressed. "That's so cool. Did you see the 20th anniversary concert last year?"
"I saw it on PBS," she said.
"Yeah, it was great-- but you know, Joe Jonas as Marius..." I trailed off with an uneasy look on my face. She didn't say anything in response so I added, "...not so good."
She stared blankly at me for a second, then turned back to my seat mate and they were at it again.
I sighed and plugged in my headphones to watch Due Date which wasn't so bad, but it wasn't really good either. I tried to go to sleep after that, and I dozed in and out of sleep for a bit, but it was so cold I had to wrap myself up in my winter coat and that flimsy little Delta Airlines blanket and I was still freezing my ass off.
"Sorry for the cold," a flight attendant said after a couple of hours. "It's only in your seat area. Something's wrong with the temperature control right here."
Great, thanks. Just my luck.
I read The Stand for a little bit. The superflu had killed everyone it was going to kill and now all the main characters were about to start their respective journeys into the wildnerness of a post-apocalyptic world.
We hit the ground soon enough, with a great banging "KA-BLUMP-A-BLUMP" cos the pilot didn't know how to land, I guess. A couple people felt they had to raise their voices and someone laughed behind me. Thrill seeker. Everything went smoothly after that, though. Got through customs OK, picked up my bag (one of the first ones out), hopped the next hour-long tube train to St. Pancras, and had a couple minutes there to hit the bathroom and brush my teeth before heading to the East Midlands platform.
Got to Leicester with no problem and met Jana at the station. She was carrying a child's wheely backpack.
"It's for my library books," she explained. "But I thought you could squeeze your laptop in here." We squished it in as good as we could, but the bag wouldn't zip all the way. She clattered with it up London road.
"Ugh, it's too short," Jana said, indicating the wheely bag's handle as she stooped to hold on to it.
"Why'd you get such a small bag?" I asked.
"I didn't know it would be so short!"
"That's a little kid's bag."
"Well..."
"You know those baby strollers you see five year old's wheeling around, the pretend strollers you wouldn't actually want to put a real baby in? Well, that's the wheely bag equivalent."
"Whatever!"
Jana and I bickered amiably all the way back to my house, where we dropped my stuff off and I spent a couple of hours getting unpacked and cleaned up. I'd been up since 8AM the previous morning, and I was bent on staying up until a decent bedtime hour in England so that I could get back into the time zone.
Jana asked me to come over, so I picked up some curry on the way there and we ate dinner with some homemade French cider she'd bought down at a world market. I drank some and made a face.
"Blegh," was my verdict.
"I know," Jana said, swirling the alcohol expertly. "See how it has that cloudy color? It's still fermenting, that's why it's bitter." She had taken a wine tasting class a couple of years ago.
"Why'd you buy it?" I asked.
"Well, the sample I tasted was just fine," she said. "But the guy gave me the reject bottle-- I bet that's why it was so cheap."
We finished off the bottle and went up to Jana's room to watch some Youtube. I fell asleep almost instantly, but forced myself awake again.
"I was sleeping," I said.
"I know," she said. I fell asleep again for a couple of minutes, then shook myself awake. I glanced at my watch. "Nine-thirty," I said. "Okay, I'm going home."
"All right, see ya."
I went back home and fell asleep until 8AM the following morning. Too tired, went back to sleep. My alarm woke me at 10. Still tired. I finally woke up for reals at 12:30-ish. Yep. 14 hours of sleep.
I turned on my phone.
"Wake up sleepy!" a text buzzed as soon as it was on. Jana had sent it about 15 minutes earlier.
I texted her back. "Awake now."
"Wow, you're up late. Let's go to the city centre!"
We had decided to find the De Montfort University library, which was apparently open and staffed even though it was the day of the royal wedding (a national holiday, indeed).
We found William on our way there, lounging in Victoria Park after his run, and we picked him up for the journey. It was a really nice day, and we just walked around lazily. Jana looked at some Art of Walt Disney books at the library for her thesis, and then we traipsed back to the good university.
Blah dee blah, this is going longer than I thought, as usual... Skip ahead to today, since last night was just hanging at Jana's place again (also as usual), and here I am. I've been back in England for 2 days. Woke up at 10:20 this morning. Slowly getting back into the right time zone.
Oh yeah, and this whole time, I've been furiously e-mailing the Head of my Course (HOC, remember?), my adviser, and the people with the PhD program in Rome. So the HOC said I can actually finish my Master's thesis early because I told him the PhD program wants it finished by July 31. So now I'm freaking out (also also as usual) about getting everything finished in time!
Because I still need to run a few more subjects, write my thesis, send in my application for the PhD program (which asks for pages and pages of new material as it is, including a project proposal), get ready for BPS, write my talk for EPS, and all that on top of my coursework I still haven't sent in (I have one paper with NO reference list right now), and I have a stats exam on the 9th. OY! All this in 3 months. I have 3 months to finish everything now.
OK so I have a meeting with my adviser about all the things I have to do, on May 3.
The BPS conference is May 4-6.
The stats exam is on May 9.
My coursework is due May 12.
My application is due May 31.
I don't remember which days the EPS conference takes place (sometime in July).
And I'm to finish my 6-8000 words thesis and have it defended by July 31.
Three months. I can do it. I can! I caaaannn!!!
Now might be a good time to get into the project idea I have for the PhD program. Let me tell you, it's a good one. I e-mailed the professor in charge of the program and asked him if it was an appropriate topic and he said it was swell. Listen to this:
Emotional biological motion and Autistic Spectrum Disorders.
OK back up... let's see. So at one point in the past, a lab got some dancers and actors together and asked them to go through the motions of different emotions in front of a camera. For example, the researcher said, "Gimme anger!" and the body-conscious professionals balled their hands into fists and stomped forward with big, over-exaggerated movements. "Gimme fear!" They raised their palms and jumped backwards. Etc. There were six different emotions filmed, and at one point, the researchers put little reflective dots on these dancing/acting bodies and turned off the lights, and all you could see were the dots of light making the motions, and you could see the impression of a body there.
These are called point light displays. Now a lot of researchers use these films of point light displays for all different experiments, and I want to use them for this:
SO autistic individuals have a hard time decoding emotion from movements. They are not very conscious of their own body movements, either. They have a hard time with social things in general, and emotional motion is one of them, and that includes facial expressions as well as whole body movements.
Well, the project I came up with has to do with scanning autistic brains while they watch point light displays versus full light displays, and they will have to say what emotion is being expressed. I would also give them scenarios they will have to figure out the ending to based on these movements.
"A man witnesses a robbery," I would say. "He reacts like this:" (I'll show the video of either fear or anger here). "Do you think the man decided to help the victim, or run away?"
I will also ask Theory of Mind questions, such as:
"A man goes to work and leaves his dog home alone. The dog breaks an expensive vase while the man is gone. The man comes home from work and he looks like this:" (I'll show the video of either anger or calm here.) "Do you think the man knows his vase is broken?"
Etc. That is how the study will pan out. I will go through these scenarios, and I'm going to add into the project idea that I'd like to use fMRI to see what's going on in the ASD brain while all of this is happening. And I would like to know if people with ASD are better at inferring emotion from point light displays or full light displays, or if they are better at the emotional scenarios or theory of mind scenarios. I might add in a normal control to the mix. I might suggest that point light displays could be used to teach emotional biological motion to people with ASD.
Anyway, that's it. I don't know how that one came into my brain but that's that. Obviously this is just an idea-- the prof said it wouldn't necessarily be what I'm gonna do for my PhD cos I'd have to discuss it with whoever my tutor would be and it would have to fit into their research as well. At this point, I just don't care... as I've said before, I just want to study Cognitive Neuroscience and learn fMRI. And if I can do that, no matter what subject I'm studying, I don't care-- I'll do it. And this program pays well... REALLY well for a graduate program. I'd be lucky to get it, and I really really hope I do!
Okay, now I said I'd discuss other things... like the Creation Museum. Wow, I don't know, I'm kinda burning out my typing fingers, but let's have a go...
So my mom and I decided to take a short trip south on Easter weekend. We drove through Amish country on Friday and stayed in a hotel in Kentucky that gave us discount Creation Museum tickets for the next day. It rained all weekend, but it wasn't too bad as we were driving to the museum on Saturday morning. We got there and it's this big fancy building with dinosaur statues standing outside.
The first thing we did was go see a planetarium show. It wasn't a real planetarium, but a digital one, but the show was still impressive for its visual effects. You could see Earth, all the planets and their trajectories around the sun, and then it zoomed out in the wider universe into other star systems and galaxies. The narrator wasn't preachy, he just said things like, "Look at what God has created!" in between saying things I had learned in my college astronomy class. However, he did stress the fact that "The Big Bang could not have happened, because..." and he went off about the universe not really expanding, and young stars being next to old stars, etc. Some things that didn't really make sense, but I guess make sense to the Creationists, so there you have it.
We left the planetarium and there was this herptologist outside in khaki carrying a snake around his arm.
"Come see me show later!" he was telling the crowd. "Here, take this." He handed me the snake and it was the coolest thing ever. That was when I decided that one day, I will own a Ball Python (which is what that particular snake was), and I will hold it and feel its strong muscle wrap around my arm-- so cool! It just coils and bobs like the empty-eyed little coiling monster that it is.
The museum itself was quite impressive. It's set up like a natural history museum, and they spared no expense creating lavish fake gardens, archaeological dig sites, anamatronic dinosaurs, all sorts of great things. A big part of the museum was the role of dinosaurs in the bible.
Dinosaurs were called dragons in the early years of Earth (no older than 6000 years). They roamed the garden of Eden in the time of Adam and ate vegetation until the fall of man. All animals were vegetarian in the garden of Eden, and nothing died, and there were no thorns on plants, or diseases or mutations. My mother piped up questions throughout the whole exhibit: "But if everyone was immortal, the Earth would have been overpopulated long before now!... But if the dinosaurs were taken aboard Noah's Ark, how did they become extinct all at once?" I tried to be helpful and answer her questions the way a Creationist might. If there were any atheists there that day, I wouldn't be counted among them!
I think the reason immortal people wouldn't have overpopulated is hinted at in the long lifespans of those who came after Adam. His sons all lived close to 1000 years, and each of them only had one kid or so in their lifetimes. I think 1 kid every 1000 years could keep a population down, even if you were immortal.
As for the dinos, they never did say.
But yes, it is true-- dinosaurs were taken aboard the Ark. And here's something I never knew but probably should have-- only Noah's family was saved. So I guess we are all descendents of Noah. Not like that did any good, though-- I would hate to see the state of the world if the rotten people of ages past hadn't died, seeing as we good folks are pretty terrible as it is. Guess we're in for another flood soon?
It was also interesting that all the periods of history-- Triassic, Jurassic, Precambrian, etc-- are all referred to simply as sediment layers by the Creationists. During the flood, different kind of sediment settled at different times-- floating forests were turned into coal, etc-- and all the layers we attribute to diffeent "periods" are actually just various layers of Earth that settled at different times over the course of a one year global flood. That's the thing-- the Creationists compacted all of anthropological and geological history into a short period to fit it all into 6000 years. Pangaea became the continents in a year. The last ice age lasted only a hundred years or so. Neanderthal and Homo erectus were just nomadic humans cut off from their cultures.
All of the world's 6000 year history is catalogued in a 20ft. map-- very detailed in its descriptions and timelines, and such a cool cool thing-- my mom bought a copy for my dad, and when we got home we just sat there and read as much as we could as we spread the map through the hallway.
By the time we left the Creation Museum, it was raining pretty hard... we tried to head further south, but we were just following the storm, and when tornado warnings started blaring over the radio, we just turned around and drovce back home. I didn't mind though-- I liked spending Sunday at my parents' house-- one more day I got to spend with the whole fam before I left that Wednesday.
I spent a couple more days with my friends, we went to Chagrin Falls one last time, and I had a good ol' fashioned all-American pancake breakfast with Matt at a quaint diner by his house before heading home to finish packing.
I was sad to leave, and I would like to be able to go back as soon as possible. And hopefully, now that I will finish my thesis in July, perhaps I will be able to go back mucher sooner than I'd first thought! Of course I might stick around to try to learn MATLAB if I don't have the time before July 31, but I hope I can get some practice in before then. I guess we'll see. We'll just see!
Okay, I've been writing this thing way too long now.. but it's done! That's making up for 2 weeks of silence I guess!
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