Monday!

Okay, so I know I haven't updated in years... I haven't been THAT busy but things just happen to take up my time and the days are just flying by...

So I think you all already heard my plans to finish my degree early. Well, whether or not I come back to Ohio early (or at all) is still up for debate depending on a few things: 1) whether I get all my work done early, 2) whether I learn MATLAB fast enough, and 3) whether I get into that PhD program.

I'm finished with my application for the PhD program but waiting on a final opinion from the autism specialists who reviewed my project proposal before I send it in. I am really banking on getting this position, I just know it will be amazing. I'm getting to think point where I really do have to stop and think "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" and right now I don't have any good reason, just "Scientific curiosity." I feel like if I had a goal, such as "rehabilitation" or "education" I would be more inspired to do my work.

Yes, speaking of inspiration, I finally sat down and starting compiling information on Feature Integration Theory and Guided Search theory of visual search. I was a little burnt out about my thesis topic since I've been working on this 'visual search' thing going on 9 months now and it kind of turned into something I wasn't expecting, ie, very psychophysics-heavy and not really related to neuropsychology anymore.

BUT I found renewed energy to get writing when I realized the head of the PhD program I'm applying for did a very similar study about 10 years ago. So not only might we have something more to talk about during the interview (if he's still interested in this stuff), but it also seems to me to be a sign that I'm on the right track! Do I believe in signs? Not when it comes down to it, no. But the thought eases my mind. And now I know my project is relevant to the program in some way.

OK, so now I have all the info I need to write a basic background of FIT and guided search. My goal is to write at least 500 words on those theories and their evolution to today. Then I will go on to discuss dual-task paradigms of visual search, which include attentional blink paradigms, and finally, hemispheric asymmetries of attention. That will be the literature review for my thesis, and I will segue into my study after that.

The thesis will have to be 6-8000 words, and I have two months to complete it. That should roughly equate to 1000 words a week at least, to be on the safe side, then revisions and such. I can do it! I CAN!

Since my last post, I did all that other stuff I gotta do. I turned in my coursework for the final term, and completed that stats exam (which was completely ridiculous btw). Yes, there is another thing that I like more about the USA-- the proper course structure! The program I'm doing now is considered a "taught" course, though it's mostly research. But the classes we DID have were a complete joke. Stats classes were taught by a random group of lecturers, whoever happened to be there that day it seemed. They taught whatever random subject they knew, or really basic stuff. Actually, one professor tried to teach us something he didn't know, and ended up blundering through book definitions. The HOC tried to re-lecture on the same material, but he didn't know it either. So guess what shows up on the exam?

I swear to god, I hope these guys are the ones who mark it, so they won't know what the hell is right or wrong because I sure didn't at some points. But generally, with the limited information I was given and the large amount of information I was able to teach myself in the three hour exam period, I think I did relatively well.

Now I just have to concentate on getting the last few participants for my study and writing my thesis. I sent a message out to the hiking club begging for participants, and got one so far! So it's a good start. And tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor to see if I can get some beta blockers for my Sapienza interview in June and the EPS presentation in July. I'm gonna rock it.

AND I'm starting to learn MATLAB. I actually was able to create some working contingencies from the book problems! I am going to work on that more tomorrow between my doctor appt in the morning and my hiking club participant in the afternoon. Then, I will write some more of my thesis intro.

I'm a procrastinator, but I've got everything under control. I'm organized. I'm an organized lazy bum.

I realized though...

As much as I care about making my thesis amazing and getting into this PhD program in Rome, I don't have to stress about it. Whatever happens will happen. I will just try my hardest and see what that gets me. I realize that good things will happen one way or another. If I don't get this PhD program, I'll try to find a job teaching at a community college. I have other options.

I've realized... I don't really have to worry about anything... I used to worry about having to pay back my student loans, but not anymore. There are options that will make it possible. If I work in public service, I'll have them forgiven after 15 years of Income Based Repayment. I don't even need a lot of money. I can live off so little and still buy everything I need or want. I'm not worried about money...

Life is good! Even an academic can keep it simple!