...and one more thing... The Knife of Never Letting Go-- I know I already said this, but let me say it again... Thanks a lot, Jana! As if I don't have enough to think about, you give me this book I can't put down. Begh! So good! Book club possibility? It's a YA novel that takes place in some distant future where people of Earth have settled on another planet, and the aliens sent out this germ to kill the humans but it only killed the women and made the men able to read each others' minds. And it's really good!
At any rate, I've put it down long enough to update this thing as promised. I'll start with the stuff the least amount of people know about and then filter into the things the satellite friends may not know but may want to know-- and I assure you, you will know, in time.
So first off-- the flight back. My dad took me to the airport, where I found out my flight had been canceled, but no biggie. They scheduled me for the next flight to Minneapolis instead of NYC and told me the plane would arrive about an hour later than expected in Heathrow. Me, ever the timely planner, had scheduled my train ticket to Leicester to be 3 hours after landing. I thought I'd give myself some "just in case" time and also time to have a nice long lunch. Well, I used up most of my "just in case time" for this flight, so I didn't have any time for lunch when I landed, unfortunately.
Nevertheless, The flight out wasn't as bad as it could have been. I hate the piddly regional jets though, so I guess if I have to go through with them, it's better to do it before than after the long 8-hour international flight. When we took off, there was a lot of turbulence, and I felt slightly queasy, and my hands started to tingle cos all the blood was rushing to my core, but I controlled my breathing and drank some club soda and didn't puke thank god.
We landed smoothly enough, and before I knew it I was on the Boeing 767 out of Minneapolis-- quite a fancy airport, by the way. I wa surprised. It had this real-sized mall right there with all the terminals branching off on all sides. Anyway, my seat mate was this annoyingly chatty girl from Bristol, who basically decided we were best friends right then and there.
"Have you ever been to Bristol?" she asked.
"No."
"Oooo! You have to go! There's this posh bar and all sorts of cool stuff, you could crash at my place and I could take you to all the best places."
"Er, yeah, that sounds nice," I said in a weak attempt to shut her up.
"I was just in Seattle visiting my uncle-- I loooved it, it was so beautiful, we went all over the Olympic Peninsula, too-- I love musicals! I love Wicked!"
"I saw Wicked on the West End," this American woman to my left piped up. She leaned over me to chat with my seat mate, and was obviously very impressed by the fact that a real British person was sitting right there chittering like a squirrel.
"I've seen Wicked," I offered. She ignored me.
"Oh, you saw it on the West End, cooool!" my seat mate enthused. She started tapping off West End shows she'd seen. "...but Wicked is my favorite! The woman who wrote it is an American, you know."
"No," I corrected her. "It was a man, Steven Schwartz, he wrote the music to some Disney movies, too..."
They stared blankly at me and I just sat back and ignored them while they went on and on about really nothing.
"I saw Les Mis when it first came out in 1985," the woman piped up. I jumped back into the conversation at that.
"Really?" I said, obviously impressed. "That's so cool. Did you see the 20th anniversary concert last year?"
"I saw it on PBS," she said.
"Yeah, it was great-- but you know, Joe Jonas as Marius..." I trailed off with an uneasy look on my face. She didn't say anything in response so I added, "...not so good."
She stared blankly at me for a second, then turned back to my seat mate and they were at it again.
I sighed and plugged in my headphones to watch Due Date which wasn't so bad, but it wasn't really good either. I tried to go to sleep after that, and I dozed in and out of sleep for a bit, but it was so cold I had to wrap myself up in my winter coat and that flimsy little Delta Airlines blanket and I was still freezing my ass off.
"Sorry for the cold," a flight attendant said after a couple of hours. "It's only in your seat area. Something's wrong with the temperature control right here."
Great, thanks. Just my luck.
I read The Stand for a little bit. The superflu had killed everyone it was going to kill and now all the main characters were about to start their respective journeys into the wildnerness of a post-apocalyptic world.
We hit the ground soon enough, with a great banging "KA-BLUMP-A-BLUMP" cos the pilot didn't know how to land, I guess. A couple people felt they had to raise their voices and someone laughed behind me. Thrill seeker. Everything went smoothly after that, though. Got through customs OK, picked up my bag (one of the first ones out), hopped the next hour-long tube train to St. Pancras, and had a couple minutes there to hit the bathroom and brush my teeth before heading to the East Midlands platform.
Got to Leicester with no problem and met Jana at the station. She was carrying a child's wheely backpack.
"It's for my library books," she explained. "But I thought you could squeeze your laptop in here." We squished it in as good as we could, but the bag wouldn't zip all the way. She clattered with it up London road.
"Ugh, it's too short," Jana said, indicating the wheely bag's handle as she stooped to hold on to it.
"Why'd you get such a small bag?" I asked.
"I didn't know it would be so short!"
"That's a little kid's bag."
"Well..."
"You know those baby strollers you see five year old's wheeling around, the pretend strollers you wouldn't actually want to put a real baby in? Well, that's the wheely bag equivalent."
"Whatever!"
Jana and I bickered amiably all the way back to my house, where we dropped my stuff off and I spent a couple of hours getting unpacked and cleaned up. I'd been up since 8AM the previous morning, and I was bent on staying up until a decent bedtime hour in England so that I could get back into the time zone.
Jana asked me to come over, so I picked up some curry on the way there and we ate dinner with some homemade French cider she'd bought down at a world market. I drank some and made a face.
"Blegh," was my verdict.
"I know," Jana said, swirling the alcohol expertly. "See how it has that cloudy color? It's still fermenting, that's why it's bitter." She had taken a wine tasting class a couple of years ago.
"Why'd you buy it?" I asked.
"Well, the sample I tasted was just fine," she said. "But the guy gave me the reject bottle-- I bet that's why it was so cheap."
We finished off the bottle and went up to Jana's room to watch some Youtube. I fell asleep almost instantly, but forced myself awake again.
"I was sleeping," I said.
"I know," she said. I fell asleep again for a couple of minutes, then shook myself awake. I glanced at my watch. "Nine-thirty," I said. "Okay, I'm going home."
"All right, see ya."
I went back home and fell asleep until 8AM the following morning. Too tired, went back to sleep. My alarm woke me at 10. Still tired. I finally woke up for reals at 12:30-ish. Yep. 14 hours of sleep.
I turned on my phone.
"Wake up sleepy!" a text buzzed as soon as it was on. Jana had sent it about 15 minutes earlier.
I texted her back. "Awake now."
"Wow, you're up late. Let's go to the city centre!"
We had decided to find the De Montfort University library, which was apparently open and staffed even though it was the day of the royal wedding (a national holiday, indeed).
We found William on our way there, lounging in Victoria Park after his run, and we picked him up for the journey. It was a really nice day, and we just walked around lazily. Jana looked at some Art of Walt Disney books at the library for her thesis, and then we traipsed back to the good university.
Blah dee blah, this is going longer than I thought, as usual... Skip ahead to today, since last night was just hanging at Jana's place again (also as usual), and here I am. I've been back in England for 2 days. Woke up at 10:20 this morning. Slowly getting back into the right time zone.
Oh yeah, and this whole time, I've been furiously e-mailing the Head of my Course (HOC, remember?), my adviser, and the people with the PhD program in Rome. So the HOC said I can actually finish my Master's thesis early because I told him the PhD program wants it finished by July 31. So now I'm freaking out (also also as usual) about getting everything finished in time!
Because I still need to run a few more subjects, write my thesis, send in my application for the PhD program (which asks for pages and pages of new material as it is, including a project proposal), get ready for BPS, write my talk for EPS, and all that on top of my coursework I still haven't sent in (I have one paper with NO reference list right now), and I have a stats exam on the 9th. OY! All this in 3 months. I have 3 months to finish everything now.
OK so I have a meeting with my adviser about all the things I have to do, on May 3.
The BPS conference is May 4-6.
The stats exam is on May 9.
My coursework is due May 12.
My application is due May 31.
I don't remember which days the EPS conference takes place (sometime in July).
And I'm to finish my 6-8000 words thesis and have it defended by July 31.
Three months. I can do it. I can! I caaaannn!!!
Now might be a good time to get into the project idea I have for the PhD program. Let me tell you, it's a good one. I e-mailed the professor in charge of the program and asked him if it was an appropriate topic and he said it was swell. Listen to this:
Emotional biological motion and Autistic Spectrum Disorders.
OK back up... let's see. So at one point in the past, a lab got some dancers and actors together and asked them to go through the motions of different emotions in front of a camera. For example, the researcher said, "Gimme anger!" and the body-conscious professionals balled their hands into fists and stomped forward with big, over-exaggerated movements. "Gimme fear!" They raised their palms and jumped backwards. Etc. There were six different emotions filmed, and at one point, the researchers put little reflective dots on these dancing/acting bodies and turned off the lights, and all you could see were the dots of light making the motions, and you could see the impression of a body there.
These are called point light displays. Now a lot of researchers use these films of point light displays for all different experiments, and I want to use them for this:
SO autistic individuals have a hard time decoding emotion from movements. They are not very conscious of their own body movements, either. They have a hard time with social things in general, and emotional motion is one of them, and that includes facial expressions as well as whole body movements.
Well, the project I came up with has to do with scanning autistic brains while they watch point light displays versus full light displays, and they will have to say what emotion is being expressed. I would also give them scenarios they will have to figure out the ending to based on these movements.
"A man witnesses a robbery," I would say. "He reacts like this:" (I'll show the video of either fear or anger here). "Do you think the man decided to help the victim, or run away?"
I will also ask Theory of Mind questions, such as:
"A man goes to work and leaves his dog home alone. The dog breaks an expensive vase while the man is gone. The man comes home from work and he looks like this:" (I'll show the video of either anger or calm here.) "Do you think the man knows his vase is broken?"
Etc. That is how the study will pan out. I will go through these scenarios, and I'm going to add into the project idea that I'd like to use fMRI to see what's going on in the ASD brain while all of this is happening. And I would like to know if people with ASD are better at inferring emotion from point light displays or full light displays, or if they are better at the emotional scenarios or theory of mind scenarios. I might add in a normal control to the mix. I might suggest that point light displays could be used to teach emotional biological motion to people with ASD.
Anyway, that's it. I don't know how that one came into my brain but that's that. Obviously this is just an idea-- the prof said it wouldn't necessarily be what I'm gonna do for my PhD cos I'd have to discuss it with whoever my tutor would be and it would have to fit into their research as well. At this point, I just don't care... as I've said before, I just want to study Cognitive Neuroscience and learn fMRI. And if I can do that, no matter what subject I'm studying, I don't care-- I'll do it. And this program pays well... REALLY well for a graduate program. I'd be lucky to get it, and I really really hope I do!
Okay, now I said I'd discuss other things... like the Creation Museum. Wow, I don't know, I'm kinda burning out my typing fingers, but let's have a go...
So my mom and I decided to take a short trip south on Easter weekend. We drove through Amish country on Friday and stayed in a hotel in Kentucky that gave us discount Creation Museum tickets for the next day. It rained all weekend, but it wasn't too bad as we were driving to the museum on Saturday morning. We got there and it's this big fancy building with dinosaur statues standing outside.
The first thing we did was go see a planetarium show. It wasn't a real planetarium, but a digital one, but the show was still impressive for its visual effects. You could see Earth, all the planets and their trajectories around the sun, and then it zoomed out in the wider universe into other star systems and galaxies. The narrator wasn't preachy, he just said things like, "Look at what God has created!" in between saying things I had learned in my college astronomy class. However, he did stress the fact that "The Big Bang could not have happened, because..." and he went off about the universe not really expanding, and young stars being next to old stars, etc. Some things that didn't really make sense, but I guess make sense to the Creationists, so there you have it.
We left the planetarium and there was this herptologist outside in khaki carrying a snake around his arm.
"Come see me show later!" he was telling the crowd. "Here, take this." He handed me the snake and it was the coolest thing ever. That was when I decided that one day, I will own a Ball Python (which is what that particular snake was), and I will hold it and feel its strong muscle wrap around my arm-- so cool! It just coils and bobs like the empty-eyed little coiling monster that it is.
The museum itself was quite impressive. It's set up like a natural history museum, and they spared no expense creating lavish fake gardens, archaeological dig sites, anamatronic dinosaurs, all sorts of great things. A big part of the museum was the role of dinosaurs in the bible.
Dinosaurs were called dragons in the early years of Earth (no older than 6000 years). They roamed the garden of Eden in the time of Adam and ate vegetation until the fall of man. All animals were vegetarian in the garden of Eden, and nothing died, and there were no thorns on plants, or diseases or mutations. My mother piped up questions throughout the whole exhibit: "But if everyone was immortal, the Earth would have been overpopulated long before now!... But if the dinosaurs were taken aboard Noah's Ark, how did they become extinct all at once?" I tried to be helpful and answer her questions the way a Creationist might. If there were any atheists there that day, I wouldn't be counted among them!
I think the reason immortal people wouldn't have overpopulated is hinted at in the long lifespans of those who came after Adam. His sons all lived close to 1000 years, and each of them only had one kid or so in their lifetimes. I think 1 kid every 1000 years could keep a population down, even if you were immortal.
As for the dinos, they never did say.
But yes, it is true-- dinosaurs were taken aboard the Ark. And here's something I never knew but probably should have-- only Noah's family was saved. So I guess we are all descendents of Noah. Not like that did any good, though-- I would hate to see the state of the world if the rotten people of ages past hadn't died, seeing as we good folks are pretty terrible as it is. Guess we're in for another flood soon?
It was also interesting that all the periods of history-- Triassic, Jurassic, Precambrian, etc-- are all referred to simply as sediment layers by the Creationists. During the flood, different kind of sediment settled at different times-- floating forests were turned into coal, etc-- and all the layers we attribute to diffeent "periods" are actually just various layers of Earth that settled at different times over the course of a one year global flood. That's the thing-- the Creationists compacted all of anthropological and geological history into a short period to fit it all into 6000 years. Pangaea became the continents in a year. The last ice age lasted only a hundred years or so. Neanderthal and Homo erectus were just nomadic humans cut off from their cultures.
All of the world's 6000 year history is catalogued in a 20ft. map-- very detailed in its descriptions and timelines, and such a cool cool thing-- my mom bought a copy for my dad, and when we got home we just sat there and read as much as we could as we spread the map through the hallway.
By the time we left the Creation Museum, it was raining pretty hard... we tried to head further south, but we were just following the storm, and when tornado warnings started blaring over the radio, we just turned around and drovce back home. I didn't mind though-- I liked spending Sunday at my parents' house-- one more day I got to spend with the whole fam before I left that Wednesday.
I spent a couple more days with my friends, we went to Chagrin Falls one last time, and I had a good ol' fashioned all-American pancake breakfast with Matt at a quaint diner by his house before heading home to finish packing.
I was sad to leave, and I would like to be able to go back as soon as possible. And hopefully, now that I will finish my thesis in July, perhaps I will be able to go back mucher sooner than I'd first thought! Of course I might stick around to try to learn MATLAB if I don't have the time before July 31, but I hope I can get some practice in before then. I guess we'll see. We'll just see!
Okay, I've been writing this thing way too long now.. but it's done! That's making up for 2 weeks of silence I guess!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
April 30th? I think? No, April 29th, good
Yes, I have my dates mixed up...
It has been a while since I've updated, but I figure most of the people who read my blog were hanging out with me the last couple of weeks so they already know what's been going on in this life of mine. I don't really have time to update right now-- Jana and I are going downtown to see if a particular library is open, but our guess is that everything is closed today because the wedding makes today a national holiday... Is that right?
Anyway, I'm meeting her at 2, so I gotta get ready. Stay tuned for:
The Creation Museum
Other vacation things
The status of my PhD application (which is due 31 May, the date which may come amidst destruction according to some apocalyptic prophecies)
The status of my Master's degree program as of yesterday
The traveling part (which wasn't so bad as the getting-back-to-Leicsester bit tends to go)
What I did yesterday, and I guess today, now that I am awake.
Fnee :D
It has been a while since I've updated, but I figure most of the people who read my blog were hanging out with me the last couple of weeks so they already know what's been going on in this life of mine. I don't really have time to update right now-- Jana and I are going downtown to see if a particular library is open, but our guess is that everything is closed today because the wedding makes today a national holiday... Is that right?
Anyway, I'm meeting her at 2, so I gotta get ready. Stay tuned for:
The Creation Museum
Other vacation things
The status of my PhD application (which is due 31 May, the date which may come amidst destruction according to some apocalyptic prophecies)
The status of my Master's degree program as of yesterday
The traveling part (which wasn't so bad as the getting-back-to-Leicsester bit tends to go)
What I did yesterday, and I guess today, now that I am awake.
Fnee :D
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Mid-Vacation Update
OK, it's not mid-vacation yet (good because I want to drag this time out as long as I can). I have exactly 2 weeks left until I leave, so it's really the 1/3-Vacation Update.
As of today, I have my literature review rough draft finished, with most of my references made up for that (I have 105 so far)-- but I have a feeling there are one or two straggler references I forgot to log into refworks while I was browsing PsycInfo, so I'll have to double check whenever I decide to edit the monster.
I have 2/3 pages completed of my mock PhD proposal-- my background info and a little more than half of the experimental design. I don't know how I'm going to write up the timeline, but a prof I met with to help me design the thing said she'd look it over, so I'm not too worried about that anymore. I thik it is some of my best writing, so I feel good about it. The review, on the other hand... I don't know how I feel about the writing. It needs a lot of editing, but at least I gave it direction. The intro paragraph is weak but I hate writing intros... they always sound cliche or like an abstract or something.
And, I also have 2300 of 3000 words finished of my experimental write up. It just needs a Discussion section, then it's done. The biggest hurdle of this one is going to be finding enough references, though. I based the experiment off only a few studies so I need a strong intro with lots of background info on source memory. Unfortunately, I don't know the area well at all, so I'm kind of at that stage where I'm dipping into this huge pool of research with no idea where to start. I'll deal with that later though.
I was planning on working on essays today, but a tiredness just hit me and before I knew it, I was napping for almost 3 hours. I don't really know what came over me-- I went running this morning, but running hasn't made me tired in months and months. And I drank a lot afterwards, too.
Oh, so listen to this... last night, I was up until 3AM with a couple of friends from high school, sitting around at Denny's (I ate pancakes and hash browns mmmmm!) when we all decided we would go for a run at Sunny Lake the next day. Neither of the 2 guys runs really; Billy at least plays casual sports and is in better shape than Jason, who is quite large, and I was surprised he agreed to come running the next day at all.
Well, I got up this morning, drove to Sunny Lake, took a warm-up lap, and soon enough Billy showed up all alone.
"Jason's not coming," he said. "Has to babysit his neice."
A likely story.
I asked Billy if he'd been running before. He said he had run on the treadmills at the gym on KSU's campus, but couldn't remember for how long. I suggested we take one lap around Sunny Lake (which is 1.75 miles around) and see how he felt after that. He kept good pace and made some easy conversation, so I figured he was doing fine. I asked if he wanted to do another lap and he said, "Sure". By the last quarter of the second lap, I noticed him grab his side, so I said, "Looks like you have a stitch" and he agreed to walk it out for a bit. I still wanted to do one more lap, so I asked Billy if he wanted to leave at this point and let me finish up alone. He insisted he was fine, said the stitch was gone, and we ran one more time around. By the 1.5 mile mark, he said, "Okay, I have to walk" which was the first time he said anything. We were walking out the end of our lap, and I told Billy how impressed I was that he was able to run 5 miles when he wasn't a consistent runner, and I thought everything was fine... but, all of a sudden, he said:
"I have to stop."
I gave him a weird look because really, walking feels better after a run than standing still. And then it hit me.
"Are you nauseous?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said.
"Are you going to puke!?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said. And I turned away just in time.
I feel like I should have been flattered. A semi-fit male couldn't keep up with me without blowing chunks afterwards. Then again, I'm not that impressed anymore, either.
When I got home afterwards, my dad offered to take me out to lunch :D
So I showered and got cleaned up, and I ended up having some satisfactory trout at Ruby Tuesday. But I don't get much one-on-one time with my dad, so the outing was really nice! And now I'm watching him play a new Prince of Persia game... some of the games he plays, ha ha... I bet if he could suck it up and play a game starring Disney characters, he'd really enjoy Kingdom Hearts, which is the best video game ever. I swear, no other game has as good of a blend of story, fighting style, missions, etc. It's amazing!
Anyway, let me make this post incredibly long and talk about my vacation so far.
So the trip here was really nice-- I mean, it went so smoothly, and I wasn't rushed or stressed or sick or anything. I took the train from Leicester to London St. Pancras-- I just love that train station-- it's so beautiful up top, with the sun pooling through the huge arched windows... actually, here's a picture I stole of it:
OK anyway, so from St. Pancras, I took the tube to Heathrow, which takes about 50 minutes. I got to the airport, got my ticket, and had about 2 and a half hours to kill, so I decided to get some lunch and sit in a real airport restaurant, something I've actually never had the time to do before. It was really nice being able to lounge around instead of worrying I'm going to miss my flight-- which seems to happen more often than not.
I browsed the shops and picked up a bag of Crunchies (my mom's favorite candy bar-- and apparently, they exist in the USA, or so says my friend Matt, but I have yet to find them). Got on my plane, watched a couple of good movies: Black Swan and Tangled and before I knew it I was in NYC, with a 3-hour layover. That seemed to pass pretty quickly as well, since I had some good reading material, and soon we were boarding for Cleveland. I napped a bit, we landed, and I met my mother at the airport.
The very next day, my friends were getting together to celebrate one Borders employee's last day, which turned out just perfect. I saw everyone I'd been missing, and we had a great time.
On Saturday, I had lunch with Matt at an impressively vegan restaurant called Tommy's up in Lakewood, before heading off to Laura's place to go together to Stefani's show. Stefani was performing at a bar in Lakewood, and I was really excited to have my friends finally hear her music! However, I'd texted her earlier with something along the lines of:
make sure u warm up really well tonite cos I want u to impress my friends <3
No pressure. And granted, Stefani's voice was great on Saturday, but apparently the band hadn't had time to practice her songs much, so there was a strange key change in one song, and timing was off in another, but it was nothing Matt or Laura noticed (or at least they said they didn't notice, he he he).
I'd missed my friends a lot, and it was great getting together with them again. After the show, we stopped at Giant Eagle to pick up booze and a pie, and we had a great night as usual at Laura and Justin's place. Justin was there when we arrived, and I was actually pleasantly surprised that he was excited to see me-- I've always liked Justin, but we never got to hang out much in the past couple of years. He's a good friend-- they're all good friends-- and I'm so happy to have them :D
The next day, Laura had to leave early for work, but Justin, Matt, and I went out for brunch to this amazing authentic little American diner called "John's Diner", and we ate good old-fashioned comfort food. So good! Yes, one of the best parts about being home is going out every other day for delicious American eats! Bottomless coffee and all.
And I'm looking forward to Friday because that means-- Yours Truly! One of our "usual haunts" for a Friday night, with lots of memories of wonderful summer evenings. And the weather has been so summery lately, hopefully we'll get a good blast from the past. I can't wait! Laura and I even agreed to read a short story for the heck of it ;) Oo that reminds me, I need to e-mail Matt and see if he wants to join in on the reading. He's coming too, so that way we can all discuss good fiction.
Stephen, if you're out there-- let me just give you a shout out-- you are sorely missed! I won't go as far as ordering a wrap or a salad in your honor because I hate wraps and salads, but I'll be thinking of you. I've been missing your face in the past week, but we will meet again! Maybe if I pine you'll agree to hike the Appalachian Trail with me one day. Just throwing it out there.
I actually don't want to go back to England. I mean, I do because that's where the other half of me lives, but I am not going to enjoy coming back to a crappy house. My parents' house is just... so nice! And my bed is large and soft, and I'm going to have to abandon my cat again... :(
But! No point worrying about that now! My trip back is weeks away! Ho ho!
What I am worrying about constantly, and will be worrying about with increasing intensity over the coming months, is what I'm going to be doing next year. I applied for a PhD program in Rome, but now they're asking me to send a 3-page research proposal and I'm stuck because I would have to make something up cos I've never studied what they're offering before. I sent my CV already, and a motivation letter, and I've asked for a couple of recommendation letters. So all I have left to do is send my transcripts and this proposal... I don't really feel like I have much of a chance... I mean, it's just realistic-- they only have one fully-funded position for an international student, and my experience is in other things.
The thing IS though, I always hear of PhD students getting into programs that weren't in their 1st interest. Getting into your favorite topic is not always realistic, either-- you take what you can get. So maybe if I come up with a project convincing enough, I'll make it... but I just don't know where to begin. Should I e-mail the program coordinator and ask what projects they WANT their international student to do? Should I really be expected to pull a random project out of thin air and send it along hoping they will be interested in that? I feel like what you're supposed to do is work with the adviser to come up with something you BOTH want to do. That's the problem with the application process for any graduate school... how much of it is you trying to channel the adviser, and you actually communicating with the adviser? I don't know the etiquette-- will they be reluctant to give me any information because they're too busy or have someone else in mind, or... what?
If I don't get into a PhD program, I might be able to get a research position for a year or two... what I think would be great fun, would be teaching at a community college or a regional branch of a university. You only need a Masters degree to teach at those places, and they pay pretty well-- between 45-50,000 a year, mostly. I don't know how the interview process would work, and I know I'd be too late to start teaching at the usual time in the fall because I don't get my degree until September. But maybe if someone likes me enough, they'd let me start late? But I don't have any professional teaching experience..
It seems research assistant is the most likely position I'll get after my Masters, but I don't know how into that I am... it doesn't pay well AT ALL, but I would have a job, and it would be related, at least.
I don't know. My mom put this idea of teaching at the junior college level into my head and it's spread through my brain like a fungus... I feel like this is something I could really enjoy doing.
I guess... we'll see...
As of today, I have my literature review rough draft finished, with most of my references made up for that (I have 105 so far)-- but I have a feeling there are one or two straggler references I forgot to log into refworks while I was browsing PsycInfo, so I'll have to double check whenever I decide to edit the monster.
I have 2/3 pages completed of my mock PhD proposal-- my background info and a little more than half of the experimental design. I don't know how I'm going to write up the timeline, but a prof I met with to help me design the thing said she'd look it over, so I'm not too worried about that anymore. I thik it is some of my best writing, so I feel good about it. The review, on the other hand... I don't know how I feel about the writing. It needs a lot of editing, but at least I gave it direction. The intro paragraph is weak but I hate writing intros... they always sound cliche or like an abstract or something.
And, I also have 2300 of 3000 words finished of my experimental write up. It just needs a Discussion section, then it's done. The biggest hurdle of this one is going to be finding enough references, though. I based the experiment off only a few studies so I need a strong intro with lots of background info on source memory. Unfortunately, I don't know the area well at all, so I'm kind of at that stage where I'm dipping into this huge pool of research with no idea where to start. I'll deal with that later though.
I was planning on working on essays today, but a tiredness just hit me and before I knew it, I was napping for almost 3 hours. I don't really know what came over me-- I went running this morning, but running hasn't made me tired in months and months. And I drank a lot afterwards, too.
Oh, so listen to this... last night, I was up until 3AM with a couple of friends from high school, sitting around at Denny's (I ate pancakes and hash browns mmmmm!) when we all decided we would go for a run at Sunny Lake the next day. Neither of the 2 guys runs really; Billy at least plays casual sports and is in better shape than Jason, who is quite large, and I was surprised he agreed to come running the next day at all.
Well, I got up this morning, drove to Sunny Lake, took a warm-up lap, and soon enough Billy showed up all alone.
"Jason's not coming," he said. "Has to babysit his neice."
A likely story.
I asked Billy if he'd been running before. He said he had run on the treadmills at the gym on KSU's campus, but couldn't remember for how long. I suggested we take one lap around Sunny Lake (which is 1.75 miles around) and see how he felt after that. He kept good pace and made some easy conversation, so I figured he was doing fine. I asked if he wanted to do another lap and he said, "Sure". By the last quarter of the second lap, I noticed him grab his side, so I said, "Looks like you have a stitch" and he agreed to walk it out for a bit. I still wanted to do one more lap, so I asked Billy if he wanted to leave at this point and let me finish up alone. He insisted he was fine, said the stitch was gone, and we ran one more time around. By the 1.5 mile mark, he said, "Okay, I have to walk" which was the first time he said anything. We were walking out the end of our lap, and I told Billy how impressed I was that he was able to run 5 miles when he wasn't a consistent runner, and I thought everything was fine... but, all of a sudden, he said:
"I have to stop."
I gave him a weird look because really, walking feels better after a run than standing still. And then it hit me.
"Are you nauseous?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said.
"Are you going to puke!?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said. And I turned away just in time.
I feel like I should have been flattered. A semi-fit male couldn't keep up with me without blowing chunks afterwards. Then again, I'm not that impressed anymore, either.
When I got home afterwards, my dad offered to take me out to lunch :D
So I showered and got cleaned up, and I ended up having some satisfactory trout at Ruby Tuesday. But I don't get much one-on-one time with my dad, so the outing was really nice! And now I'm watching him play a new Prince of Persia game... some of the games he plays, ha ha... I bet if he could suck it up and play a game starring Disney characters, he'd really enjoy Kingdom Hearts, which is the best video game ever. I swear, no other game has as good of a blend of story, fighting style, missions, etc. It's amazing!
Anyway, let me make this post incredibly long and talk about my vacation so far.
So the trip here was really nice-- I mean, it went so smoothly, and I wasn't rushed or stressed or sick or anything. I took the train from Leicester to London St. Pancras-- I just love that train station-- it's so beautiful up top, with the sun pooling through the huge arched windows... actually, here's a picture I stole of it:
OK anyway, so from St. Pancras, I took the tube to Heathrow, which takes about 50 minutes. I got to the airport, got my ticket, and had about 2 and a half hours to kill, so I decided to get some lunch and sit in a real airport restaurant, something I've actually never had the time to do before. It was really nice being able to lounge around instead of worrying I'm going to miss my flight-- which seems to happen more often than not.
I browsed the shops and picked up a bag of Crunchies (my mom's favorite candy bar-- and apparently, they exist in the USA, or so says my friend Matt, but I have yet to find them). Got on my plane, watched a couple of good movies: Black Swan and Tangled and before I knew it I was in NYC, with a 3-hour layover. That seemed to pass pretty quickly as well, since I had some good reading material, and soon we were boarding for Cleveland. I napped a bit, we landed, and I met my mother at the airport.
The very next day, my friends were getting together to celebrate one Borders employee's last day, which turned out just perfect. I saw everyone I'd been missing, and we had a great time.
On Saturday, I had lunch with Matt at an impressively vegan restaurant called Tommy's up in Lakewood, before heading off to Laura's place to go together to Stefani's show. Stefani was performing at a bar in Lakewood, and I was really excited to have my friends finally hear her music! However, I'd texted her earlier with something along the lines of:
make sure u warm up really well tonite cos I want u to impress my friends <3
No pressure. And granted, Stefani's voice was great on Saturday, but apparently the band hadn't had time to practice her songs much, so there was a strange key change in one song, and timing was off in another, but it was nothing Matt or Laura noticed (or at least they said they didn't notice, he he he).
I'd missed my friends a lot, and it was great getting together with them again. After the show, we stopped at Giant Eagle to pick up booze and a pie, and we had a great night as usual at Laura and Justin's place. Justin was there when we arrived, and I was actually pleasantly surprised that he was excited to see me-- I've always liked Justin, but we never got to hang out much in the past couple of years. He's a good friend-- they're all good friends-- and I'm so happy to have them :D
The next day, Laura had to leave early for work, but Justin, Matt, and I went out for brunch to this amazing authentic little American diner called "John's Diner", and we ate good old-fashioned comfort food. So good! Yes, one of the best parts about being home is going out every other day for delicious American eats! Bottomless coffee and all.
And I'm looking forward to Friday because that means-- Yours Truly! One of our "usual haunts" for a Friday night, with lots of memories of wonderful summer evenings. And the weather has been so summery lately, hopefully we'll get a good blast from the past. I can't wait! Laura and I even agreed to read a short story for the heck of it ;) Oo that reminds me, I need to e-mail Matt and see if he wants to join in on the reading. He's coming too, so that way we can all discuss good fiction.
Stephen, if you're out there-- let me just give you a shout out-- you are sorely missed! I won't go as far as ordering a wrap or a salad in your honor because I hate wraps and salads, but I'll be thinking of you. I've been missing your face in the past week, but we will meet again! Maybe if I pine you'll agree to hike the Appalachian Trail with me one day. Just throwing it out there.
I actually don't want to go back to England. I mean, I do because that's where the other half of me lives, but I am not going to enjoy coming back to a crappy house. My parents' house is just... so nice! And my bed is large and soft, and I'm going to have to abandon my cat again... :(
But! No point worrying about that now! My trip back is weeks away! Ho ho!
What I am worrying about constantly, and will be worrying about with increasing intensity over the coming months, is what I'm going to be doing next year. I applied for a PhD program in Rome, but now they're asking me to send a 3-page research proposal and I'm stuck because I would have to make something up cos I've never studied what they're offering before. I sent my CV already, and a motivation letter, and I've asked for a couple of recommendation letters. So all I have left to do is send my transcripts and this proposal... I don't really feel like I have much of a chance... I mean, it's just realistic-- they only have one fully-funded position for an international student, and my experience is in other things.
The thing IS though, I always hear of PhD students getting into programs that weren't in their 1st interest. Getting into your favorite topic is not always realistic, either-- you take what you can get. So maybe if I come up with a project convincing enough, I'll make it... but I just don't know where to begin. Should I e-mail the program coordinator and ask what projects they WANT their international student to do? Should I really be expected to pull a random project out of thin air and send it along hoping they will be interested in that? I feel like what you're supposed to do is work with the adviser to come up with something you BOTH want to do. That's the problem with the application process for any graduate school... how much of it is you trying to channel the adviser, and you actually communicating with the adviser? I don't know the etiquette-- will they be reluctant to give me any information because they're too busy or have someone else in mind, or... what?
If I don't get into a PhD program, I might be able to get a research position for a year or two... what I think would be great fun, would be teaching at a community college or a regional branch of a university. You only need a Masters degree to teach at those places, and they pay pretty well-- between 45-50,000 a year, mostly. I don't know how the interview process would work, and I know I'd be too late to start teaching at the usual time in the fall because I don't get my degree until September. But maybe if someone likes me enough, they'd let me start late? But I don't have any professional teaching experience..
It seems research assistant is the most likely position I'll get after my Masters, but I don't know how into that I am... it doesn't pay well AT ALL, but I would have a job, and it would be related, at least.
I don't know. My mom put this idea of teaching at the junior college level into my head and it's spread through my brain like a fungus... I feel like this is something I could really enjoy doing.
I guess... we'll see...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
End of Term Rant + Update
Yes, I finished experimentation-- well, undergraduate experimentation-- for my thesis. I've come to the conclusion that undergrads are pretty useless subjects. It's pretty pathetic how even psychology students just don't care about research. So I ended up with 16 OK subjects out of about 25 who actually took part. About 5 of them didn't turn off their cell phones even when I repeatedly told them to turn the damn things off, and halfway through a block of trials I'd hear "My humps! My humps my humps my humps! My lovely lady lumps! Check it out!" or whatever equally ridiculous song is playing right now and people insist on making their ringtone.
And I swear to god... I had the most nightmarish subject one day, who had the WORST attitude... She sighed and scoffed and didn't pay attention the whole time, and ruined the data completely... so I insisted she come in and do the whole thing all over again or she wouldn't get her credits. Anyway, I felt a little better when Hannah told me she got stuck with the SAME girl, and had just as many problems with her. So... this chick wasn't just having an "off day", she's just unpleasant all the time.
But seriously... Don't sign up if you don't want to do in-lab participation! Do you KNOW how many online studies there are? I don't want to see your mean FACE.
And I gotta tell ya-- Friday was my last day in lab. I was expecting 5 people to show up. And guess what? Only 2 did. When my last participant was leaving I told her how happy I was she actually showed. Then she informed me the reason everyone else didn't come was because they had already gotten all the research participation credits they needed and were just using my study as a backup since the credit requirement deadline was that day.
Well, what the idiot undergrads didn't realize, was that even if you get all the credits you need, the system doesn't allow you to go OVER the requirement, no matter how many studies you take. So when I deduct TWO CREDITS from your total because you didn't show up, then you don't reach your requirement. SUCKS to be you. And two credits is a lot in the EPR world. The stupid heads didn't figure this out until after the fact, of course. Then they e-mailed me and said, "Please, isn't there a time I can come in to make it up?" I replied with a passive aggressive, "Nope. The experiment is over. Enjoy your break."
SUCKAS.
So is experimentation over? No. But I will not test undergrads for the rest of the year. I can't RELY on those losers to give me good data. I must have been insane to put my thesis in the hands of a few rotten brats who didn't want to be there.
So who will I test? Reliable subjects who come to me out of the goodness of their hearts. Postgraduates. Friends. It doesn't matter, because my experiment is psychophysical and anyone with a functioning brain can do it. But I will have to get that done in May when I get back to England because tomorrow--
I'm going home!
Yes, I'm all packe up and ready to go. Jana gave me a pile of books and clothes to bring back for her, and I hope my bag doesn't weigh too much with all of it. She's bringing a handy scale over today to double check. My room is cleaner than it's ever been because of all the organizing/packing. I have to make sure I don't forget anything important, after all.
I'm a little bit afraid about the state of my room in Ohio, though. My cat has taken it over and I'm sure it'll be just covered in litter, toys, puke spots my mother missed, and hair.
Mum, if you're reading this... how would you like to vaccuum/refresh my room today as a welcome home present? Lavah?
As far as term coursework goes... the only thing that we were actually graded on before spring break was a presentation on the random experiments we did. I'm sure I did great, except I forgot to explain half my methods out of fear. Nobody caught it except the HOC, who wrote on his review form "how did you measure error rates?"-- whoopsie. You would know, if I had told you.
I am going to be giving a real presentation at the Experimental Psychological Society in July on my thesis work. Before then, I hope to get some prescription stage fright medication, which Hannah says exists. I just don't know how I'll be able to do well without it. I've tried everything. I memorize my presentations, I practice them more than anyone I know, I have learned to speak clearly, loudly, slowly, without "ums" or "ers"... yet I can't control the quaver in my voice, my shaking hands, I can't calm my heart rate no matter how many deep breaths I take, no matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I consciously relax my muscles. I can't will myself to be unafraid. So I will go to the doctor in May and ask for a prescription, which should be free in this country.
It's the only thing I can think of. My fears are completely irrational. I even start to get nervous when I practice in front of Jana, or my friends. WHY? WHY? It doesn't make any sense. I don't drink caffeine anymore. I can comfortably speak up in class during a lecture. I just can't give a presentation.
The worst part is, I WANT people to listen to what I have to say! I know people like my research. After my presentation, I got loads of questions about source monitoring, and one person even asked me to e-mail them with more information. People like what I study, and I want to be able to explain it to them without FREAKING OUT. Drugs. I will try. Maybe I can get a prescription before BPS and try them out for my poster presentation in May. If they work at that time, then I'll be OK for EPS in July.
So what are my plans for when I get home?
1) Sleep. Will do this if my bed is not dusty. If it is, I will be cranky. Just warning you.
2) Get situated-- take a couple days to lounge, watch the tube, get into the right time zone.
3) Play with friends! Yippee hooraaaayy!
4) Work on essays. Yep. I have a lot to write, still. A lot. I haven't even started my mock studentship proposal. I am only halfway through my experiment write-up. And I still have about five straight days of work in editing/wrapping up my literature review (7300 words, yeah!). My goal is to get everything done before I come back April 27th. I hope to work on those essays every week, and I've made weekly goals for myself, I'm not gonna lie. I am serious about getting those done at home.
Oh yeah, 5) eat Papa John's pizza. This is a MUST, pizza is such CRAP here.
6) buy things that I can't get or are too expensive in the UK:
Need to replenish my Victoria's Secret stuff
Need to buy floss/toothbrush
Perhaps go to the dentist while I'm at it...
Go to Delia's, hell ya-- excited to see what new jeans they have
7) go to the Creationist Museum. I bet Mum and I can do that on our way down to North Carolina!
OK, that's really it. Otherwise, I'm excited to hang out with my cat... and my friends of course... I must visit Borders and Yours Truly a few times, and I've informed Laura my intentions to crash at her, Justin's, and Cthulhu's awesome apartment at least once. Parte!
And I swear to god... I had the most nightmarish subject one day, who had the WORST attitude... She sighed and scoffed and didn't pay attention the whole time, and ruined the data completely... so I insisted she come in and do the whole thing all over again or she wouldn't get her credits. Anyway, I felt a little better when Hannah told me she got stuck with the SAME girl, and had just as many problems with her. So... this chick wasn't just having an "off day", she's just unpleasant all the time.
But seriously... Don't sign up if you don't want to do in-lab participation! Do you KNOW how many online studies there are? I don't want to see your mean FACE.
And I gotta tell ya-- Friday was my last day in lab. I was expecting 5 people to show up. And guess what? Only 2 did. When my last participant was leaving I told her how happy I was she actually showed. Then she informed me the reason everyone else didn't come was because they had already gotten all the research participation credits they needed and were just using my study as a backup since the credit requirement deadline was that day.
Well, what the idiot undergrads didn't realize, was that even if you get all the credits you need, the system doesn't allow you to go OVER the requirement, no matter how many studies you take. So when I deduct TWO CREDITS from your total because you didn't show up, then you don't reach your requirement. SUCKS to be you. And two credits is a lot in the EPR world. The stupid heads didn't figure this out until after the fact, of course. Then they e-mailed me and said, "Please, isn't there a time I can come in to make it up?" I replied with a passive aggressive, "Nope. The experiment is over. Enjoy your break."
SUCKAS.
So is experimentation over? No. But I will not test undergrads for the rest of the year. I can't RELY on those losers to give me good data. I must have been insane to put my thesis in the hands of a few rotten brats who didn't want to be there.
So who will I test? Reliable subjects who come to me out of the goodness of their hearts. Postgraduates. Friends. It doesn't matter, because my experiment is psychophysical and anyone with a functioning brain can do it. But I will have to get that done in May when I get back to England because tomorrow--
I'm going home!
Yes, I'm all packe up and ready to go. Jana gave me a pile of books and clothes to bring back for her, and I hope my bag doesn't weigh too much with all of it. She's bringing a handy scale over today to double check. My room is cleaner than it's ever been because of all the organizing/packing. I have to make sure I don't forget anything important, after all.
I'm a little bit afraid about the state of my room in Ohio, though. My cat has taken it over and I'm sure it'll be just covered in litter, toys, puke spots my mother missed, and hair.
Mum, if you're reading this... how would you like to vaccuum/refresh my room today as a welcome home present? Lavah?
As far as term coursework goes... the only thing that we were actually graded on before spring break was a presentation on the random experiments we did. I'm sure I did great, except I forgot to explain half my methods out of fear. Nobody caught it except the HOC, who wrote on his review form "how did you measure error rates?"-- whoopsie. You would know, if I had told you.
I am going to be giving a real presentation at the Experimental Psychological Society in July on my thesis work. Before then, I hope to get some prescription stage fright medication, which Hannah says exists. I just don't know how I'll be able to do well without it. I've tried everything. I memorize my presentations, I practice them more than anyone I know, I have learned to speak clearly, loudly, slowly, without "ums" or "ers"... yet I can't control the quaver in my voice, my shaking hands, I can't calm my heart rate no matter how many deep breaths I take, no matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I consciously relax my muscles. I can't will myself to be unafraid. So I will go to the doctor in May and ask for a prescription, which should be free in this country.
It's the only thing I can think of. My fears are completely irrational. I even start to get nervous when I practice in front of Jana, or my friends. WHY? WHY? It doesn't make any sense. I don't drink caffeine anymore. I can comfortably speak up in class during a lecture. I just can't give a presentation.
The worst part is, I WANT people to listen to what I have to say! I know people like my research. After my presentation, I got loads of questions about source monitoring, and one person even asked me to e-mail them with more information. People like what I study, and I want to be able to explain it to them without FREAKING OUT. Drugs. I will try. Maybe I can get a prescription before BPS and try them out for my poster presentation in May. If they work at that time, then I'll be OK for EPS in July.
So what are my plans for when I get home?
1) Sleep. Will do this if my bed is not dusty. If it is, I will be cranky. Just warning you.
2) Get situated-- take a couple days to lounge, watch the tube, get into the right time zone.
3) Play with friends! Yippee hooraaaayy!
4) Work on essays. Yep. I have a lot to write, still. A lot. I haven't even started my mock studentship proposal. I am only halfway through my experiment write-up. And I still have about five straight days of work in editing/wrapping up my literature review (7300 words, yeah!). My goal is to get everything done before I come back April 27th. I hope to work on those essays every week, and I've made weekly goals for myself, I'm not gonna lie. I am serious about getting those done at home.
Oh yeah, 5) eat Papa John's pizza. This is a MUST, pizza is such CRAP here.
6) buy things that I can't get or are too expensive in the UK:
Need to replenish my Victoria's Secret stuff
Need to buy floss/toothbrush
Perhaps go to the dentist while I'm at it...
Go to Delia's, hell ya-- excited to see what new jeans they have
7) go to the Creationist Museum. I bet Mum and I can do that on our way down to North Carolina!
OK, that's really it. Otherwise, I'm excited to hang out with my cat... and my friends of course... I must visit Borders and Yours Truly a few times, and I've informed Laura my intentions to crash at her, Justin's, and Cthulhu's awesome apartment at least once. Parte!
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